The Clockwork Vagina

These days the world seems to be spinning increasingly out of control. Bombings, massacres, senseless wars. All in the name of God in its various permutations. Ironic isn't it? That possibly the purest, most revered subject of humans is also the root of so much evil.

But maybe we shouldn't be so shocked. In this day and age of rulebook burning, the only thing that seems to hold constant is contradiction. On a good day, it looks like irony. Learn to recognise it. This one seems to be multiplying at light speed.

Today, I read a report about a study done with some 133 sexual offenders serving time in Malaysian penitentiaries. Several findings disturbed me, but the one thing that stood out was this - of the 133 surveyed, only ONE accepted that he had committed a criminal act. The rest still believed they had consensual sex.

Never mind that half were "uneducated". Ignore the fact that by implication, the data meant the other half were educated, informed convicts.

The point is this: how has it been possible for us to bring up these men who don't possess the ability to recognise the meaning of NO? 72% of those surveyed were Malay. As a Malay, I have to wonder. If we are really that kindler, gentler race that is full of akhlak and budi pekerti, how come we forgot to tell our young men that sex requires permission and consent? And for those of you holier-than-thous, please take note, quite a few of these men were specifically alcohol abusers or dependents. Bye-bye theory of sinful, indulgent bourgoise city Melayu Barus. Looks like even in the mainstreams there runs a strain of vodka nowadays.

Rape is a thorny issue. It's difficult to prove at best and even more difficult to prevent. Especially when a majority of assailants are not strangers to the victims. In the same news report I read, there was a very enlightening quote from some Malaysian Crime Prevention chappie. He was very clever this one. His solution to rape prevention - focus on the victim. Study why these women were made targets.

Somebody give him a Datukship. Or a Some-Dead-Tun Peace Prize.

Then, finally, the nightcap. It is now becoming a real possibility that future crimes like rape and murder will require victims to specify times and dates of these heinous occurrences. OK-lah. If someone is murdered, I guess it can only happen once. But what if someone is raped? Repeatedly, for years? And by that someone's own relative? What the heck does the victim do - keep a damned journal?

Maybe keep a blog. Or better still, stick a clock in her vagina, or a digital alarm in his ass.

Either way, it better run on batteries that don't require re-charging. Then again, I suppose a charger wire sticking out of one's privates could drive the message home.

Teach your children what NO means. It is a very powerful word. It can stop wars. It can stop crime. It can save lives.

The Real Malaysian Idol

To those of you who commented on my previous post, please check the comments again for my response.

There are times even when a person like me can't resist the temptation of swimming with the tide instead of against it. So here it is, the gazillionth post among many more I am sure about the big bomb that dropped on our nation last week.

I am still, I believe among many, undecided about this whole Anwar thing. According to my mother, I was actually acquainted with this man who used to visit our home when I was but a mere toddler. I personally have no recollection of him.

Last weekend I went to dinner at a friend's new home and she, a power CEO posited an interesting theory. That if approached from the point of view of someone running a company - which in her view is akin to running a nation - she, liberal as she is, would have to agree with Tun M's then decision to remove his Deputy.

The reason, was this. If Anwar was truly homosexual, then his lifestyle posed a threat to national security. It could have become fodder for PAS and turned the whole country on its head.

I, however, disagree. I don't think Tun really cared, one way or another. Ok, yes, probably he did, deep in his heart somewhere. The same way it must have kept him awake at night that some other august members of his Cabinet were syphoning money and manipulating national policies for their personal gain. But as long as Anwar toed the party line, he would have been safe. His secret would have remained that - a public secret like all good secrets are in KL.

The more interesting speculation to me is not whether the man is gay. From my point of view, seeing what I have seen in KL especially of late, that doesn't seem to be an issue worth raising eyebrows about. In fact, I am willing to bet that push comes to shove, homosexuality is probably the one thing some PAS members may fear most next to God. After all, Anwar can't be the only Malay man with those sorts of tendencies. One has to wonder about those jubahs....

The more interesting speculation to me is whether Anwar will now show his true smarts. We all know he is a clever boy. But he wasn't clever enough to outfit the old fox of a Tun then. However, times have changed. And the foxes scampering around town now are a little younger. Western-educated yes, but perhaps a wee bit more naive in the ways of real politik kampung style.

So, here are the two theories emerging from my circle of Peanut Gallery speculators:
1. Anwar struck a deal with Pak Lah and is gunning for Najib's position.
I have to admit, if this is true, then Pak Lah is a little more wily than we have given him credit for. What a way to rattle No 2's cage. And a couple of weeks before the big vote too!

2. Anwar didn't strike a deal with anyone.
If THIS is true, then a mythological set of weighing scales is probably struggling to keep itself balanced right now on its three K-aki. What a match for the Triumvirate!

Either way, it now means that us common citizens have a new reality show to watch - Malaysian-made, and starring no less than our city's best.

All I know is, I am reserving my SMS votes for the finals. Sekarang ni, masa elimination rounds tak payah lah buang duit. I'll leave it to the bleeding hearts and fundamentalists.

Beautiful Malaysia

KL continues to surprise me.

A few nights ago, I went to a gay men's bar in a popular KL shopping complex. If you didn't know someone who knew it was there, you probably wouldn't find it. This was the first time I had gone clubbing in a highly Melayu joint since the old Base days. Just like the old underground R&B haunt, this one was badly ventilated, packed to the brim and open way past the 3 am curfew. Only difference is, this one doesn't chase same sex couples off the dance floor.

The most amazing thing about this place was the confirmation of something that should no longer surprise me, knowing what I know. 80% of the men there were extremely straight looking middle-aged Melayu males. Read: you wouldn't even think the thought of having another man crossed their minds if you bumped into them in the streets. In fact, I am sure some of them at least have wives and children.

And unlike the previous place I wrote about, the men in this joint were definitely on the lookout for some recreational entertainment. They weren't podium dancers. They were observers from the side, looking for a nice young gay boy to have some fun with.

So, for all you smug marrieds, especially if you are Malay, think again before you belittle gay people for their "eccentricities". And if you think being homosexual is strictly a Western evil, think again. Judging from what I saw, it ain't something we imported, honey. It's been here and been done.

And to all Malay women, here's a piece of advice. If you don't already have a good gay male friend, get one. It's the only way you may even come close to knowing if your husband really is straight.

Oh, and by the way, apparently, this place is also a favourite for our young female Melayu artistes to celebrate their birthdays.

Aren't we an amazing nation?