Driving Miss Crazy

This whole wedding fiasco is getting from bad to badder. I know that’s awful English, but in my thirty-something wisdom I think I should reserve “worse” for use at a later stage. Because there’s bound to be one.

Three weeks into the wedding planning, my sister is tearing her hair out at my mother’s selective memory. Suddenly, Mom’s moved the wedding date one day later. She also claims we can now do away with the whole reception – and save the money for my sister’s use, however the latter may choose to spend it.

But that’s not all. Suddenly, “the other side”’s guest list has doubled. And nieces and nephews now have life-forming needs to be part of the wedding procession, which means dresses and tiny suits, shoes, endless temper tantrums, botched rehearsals and who knows what else.

And my mom is wondering why I haven’t dropped by to see her for a while now.

I think I will – as soon as I find my hip flask.

About the most hilarious thing to have transpired thus far is an e-mail sent by my sister’s friend living somewhere in the Middle East. It had me laughing out loud. Because I haven’t asked him, I can’t quote its contents, but suffice to say it was full of sound advice such as “stick to the old adage of ‘Something Old, Something New, Something with a silencer will do…”. Oh and on seating arrangements, he suggests the well-dressed in the back (so they don’t draw attention away from the bride), prêt-a-porters in the middle and ravishing bridesmaids in the front – at his table, of course. And for cheap, endless hours of entertainment, “place people with conflicting views at the same table…”

Now why don’t they tell you these things in bridal magazines???

Maybe I should approach someone to publish the Alternative Bride’s Magazine. We can call it “E-Lope” – a girl’s best web guide to getting married sanely.

Hopefully, by the time this fiasco is over, my sister will have transcended Miss-dom and become a Calm Mrs.

Of course, having a sister like me doesn’t help. In one evening, my sister and I had hatched an alternative wedding plan of our own…. Have the reception at Shah’s Motel! Yes, the same dingy little thing that’s been around since I was born. Then the young ‘uns can go dancing after the wedding at DV8, the oldies can drink at Waikiki, the Yamseng kakis can karaoke next door and the children can be dumped at A&W! That should make everyone happy.

Somehow, something tells me my Father, alternative as he is, won’t quite buy in to the idea… unless of course I fill up my hip flask with whisky before I visit the ‘Rents this weekend…..