Where Have All The Real Men Gone?

I recently read a local women's magazine that proclaimed to have "10 REAL men you'll just love!" Of course being a KL woman who has been privy to enough laments from her single friends about the lack of real men, I had to buy the magazine. Just to see if I knew anyone in the top ten.

As I suspected, the list was far from encouraging. Half the men in it were gay! I guess the editor's definition of 'love' was a broad one. She never qualified what kind of love. The headline should have read "10 real men you'll just love to go shopping with" or something to that effect.

Not that I have anything against gay men. I think they're fabulous. Every woman in her thirties should have a gay man friend. He's one of the best safeguards you have against turning into an auntie-look-a-like once you hit your mid-thirties. He'll keep you looking gorgeous and up-to-date. He'll share his beauty secrets with you unabashedly. He'll still make you feel sexy and adored, even when your other half finds the TV more entrancing.

Mind you, this wasn't the first time I have spotted a high quotient of gay men in a purportedly he-man list of desirable catches. Every year when another certain women's magazine puts out its bachelors of the year list it becomes after-dinner conversation with my gay male friends and I - about who on the list is gay and who is gay but doesn't know it. Often, the total averages close to the 80 percentile.

Which leads me to wonder, are the editors of these magazines blind, or are they just taking the mickey out of us Malaysian women? Either way, the answer isn't encouraging for us. If the editors are unaware of the men they are picking for us, then we should worry. If they don't know how to spot a gay man, how can they be our sultanahs of style, beauty and fashion? And if they DO know these men are gay, then are they saying there are virtually no eligible straight men in Malaysia worth a woman's time?

Or maybe the subtext is even more provocative. Maybe they're saying we should seriously re-consider our notion of life partners. After all, I am sure some of us out there have wondered if we would be better off marrying our beautiful gay mate than some boring accountant mommy introduced to us.

What is it about the modern gal that has made us so dissatisfied about today's men? They're not beautiful enough, I think anyone can safely vouch for that. In KL, male eye candy is extremely rare. Men here largely still have not cottoned on to the notion of bothering to look good. Let alone think about working out. And forget intelligent, engaging conversation that is designed to appeal to the female ego.

I think to a certain extent our generation of women here are trapped between cosmopolitan notions of what a woman should be and our parents' generation's definition of men. Hot chicks and boring beer-bellied lumpy husbands.

And it's time we stopped putting up with it. So, since Valentine's Day is around the corner, I am issuing a challenge to chick comrades out there. If you don't have a date for that night who really is good enough, don't make do. Call up your best friends, male or female. Celebrate with them instead.

And men, if she cancels on you last minute, take a good look in the mirror. Or take a personality quiz - they have tons of them on e-mode.com (yes, the Internet can be a useful too for romance, and not just stock prices).

Or better still, go ask your gay cousin/uncle/friend. And don't say you don't have one.